5 Easy Steps to Improving Your Self-Talk
We all have it…that voice in our head that talks to us. Sometimes that voice can get loud, making our thoughts crowded with criticism, doubt, fear or worry. It can make up stories about what other people think or how we don’t know how to do something. It can exaggerate, see the worst, jump to conclusions or even expect a situation to turn out badly without any evidence.
Does any of this sound familiar?
That voice can be very powerful and potentially damaging.
But we have a choice. Like with any thought, when we have negative self-talk, we strengthen the neural pathway. By challenging those thoughts and implementing new, positive ones, we weaken the negative and begin to strengthen the positive thought pathway thus changing how we feel and think.
That ability to change your thoughts means you are actually in the driver’s seat of your mind, not the other way around. It may be hard to believe but it is true.
Ways we change your thoughts on a regular basis:
Finding a way around procrastination by habit-stacking
Hearing a song, not really liking it and having it grow on you after you’ve heard it several times
Being intentional when you eat in restaurants by reading the menu before you get there so you know what you will order and sticking to it
Setting a timer when binging your favorite show so you go to bed on time
All of us do it to some extent, some of the time! We think one thing and do something else because we changed our minds or, we changed our self-talk around a particular item.
This ability to override your thoughts works for things you want to accomplish or push through just as well as it does with the examples above. The only difference is, this is often a muscle we don’t exercise nearly as frequently and there might be a little bit of challenge as we learn to flex it (a lot like when you begin to lift weights).
Here are 5 Easy Steps to Help You Change Your Self-Talk:
Start with awareness! Realize when you’re having negative thoughts
Acknowledge what the negative thought is and tell yourself you can think something different, new and more neutral or positive (less critical, judgmental or comparing)
Intentionally think the new, more positive thought. To reinforce this you can ask yourself questions like: What would a friend say about this thought?" Will this matter in one month or one year? Do I have evidence for this thought? Is it useful for me right now?
Appreciate your effort and check in with yourself to see how you feel. Any different? If yes, how?
Remember, this is a practice and the more you do it, the better you will get at it
Why is it important to change our self-talk?
Because it can help us feel better:
About ourselves
The people in our lives
The world we live in
Make us more resilient
Make us more patient
Encourage us to be kinder to ourselves and others
Decrease feelings of stress, anxiety and tension
This is as big a step as it is easy! You may have grown up with a number of people around you talking negatively about most things but it is possible to shift how you think. And, if you want support building this new muscle, we are here to help!
Aviva Brill, LCSW
About the Author
Aviva Brill, LCSW is a clinical social worker specializing in parenting, aging parents, communication in relationships, workplace challenges, and management of time, stress and anxiety. She utilizes a combination of approaches from CBT to Task-Centered and Solution-Focused theories. Read more about Aviva here.