Am I a People Pleaser Quiz
Takeaway: It can be hard to tell if you are people pleasing or if you are just being an empathetic, generous human being. People pleasers tend to lack awareness of these behaviors because they heavily identify with being a giving individual. Take this “am I a people pleaser” quiz to find out which category you fall into .
People pleasing is a term used to describe an individual who frequently sets aside their own needs or well-being for the validation or approval of others. Society places a high standard for people to be giving, selfless, and kind. While those traits are important, overindulging in them can be harmful to you. Ignoring your needs can lead to people taking advantage of your kindness and ultimately will exhaust your energy.
Are you wondering how people pleasing begins? Usually, it’s fears of rejection or fears about negative perception that drive people pleasers to these behaviors. Additionally, individuals may worry that others will be disappointed in them, that they will be unloved, or that they will be a failure. In this quiz, you can evaluate your tendencies and receive trusted feedback on how your behavior could be hurting you.
Who is this quiz for?
This quiz is designed for people who are wondering if they are putting their needs aside for others unnecessarily. You may be feeling exhausted in the occupational or relational areas of your life because you are giving so much of yourself to those around you.
If you feel like you’re not getting any positive impact from your relationships, it is important to take a closer look at your own behavior.
How accurate is this people pleasing quiz?
While this quiz can serve as a point of reflection, it is not designed to give you a definitive answer about your behavior. The best way to receive the most accurate feedback is to discuss your results with a professional so that you can offer more context and information. The SGTG therapists are well-equipped to detect people pleasing habits in their clients and will guide you to break the people pleasing cycle. After the quiz, I'll provide my recommendations for how to proceed depending on the results you get.
Take my “Am I a People Pleaser” quiz below
Are you a people pleaser? Take this quiz to find out!
I don’t usually share my opinions because I don’t want to upset anyone.
A) Often
B) Sometimes
C) Rarely
I often seek the approval of others and try to avoid the disapproval of others.
A) Often
B) Sometimes
C) Rarely
I am afraid to say no to others because I worry they will not like me or I will disappoint them.
A) Often
B) Sometimes
C) Rarely
I go along with what others want, even if I want something different.
A) Often
B) Sometimes
C) Rarely
I find myself helping other people, even when they don’t ask me to.
A) Often
B) Sometimes
C) Rarely
I hide my genuine feelings or opinions because I don’t want to upset anyone.
A) Often
B) Sometimes
C) Rarely
I overcommit to plans, projects, or responsibilities and feel like I am spread thin.
A) Often
B) Sometimes
C) Rarely
I apologize unnecessarily to people for things I know I haven’t done wrong.
A) Often
B) Sometimes
C) Rarely
I feel like I’m not good enough when I don’t get validation from other people.
A) Often
B) Sometimes
C) Rarely
I feel responsible for how other people feel, good or bad.
A) Often
B) Sometimes
C) Rarely
Interpreting your results
If you answered mostly A’s, you are likely engaging in people pleasing behaviors.
Remember that this quiz is not meant to give you a definitive answer about your behavior. However, the answers in the A category point to many behaviors that should be addressed to move away from people pleasing and improve your well-being.
It is my recommendation to talk these symptoms through with a professional who can provide you with tools to create change within yourself. In general, there are tendencies to be increasingly aware of so that you don’t burn yourself out.
Tendencies of people pleasers look like:
Undermining own needs
Highly accommodating to others’ needs
Difficulty saying no
Is not able to assert themselves
Highly values praise from others
Apologizes unnecessarily
Takes blame unnecessarily
Low sense of self-worth
If you answered mostly B’s, you may have people pleasing tendencies.
The majority of individuals who people please feel unsure if their actions are actually pleasing or if it's just ingrained in their personality. It can be challenging for a people pleaser to make the distinction between showing kindness and behaviors that are ultimately hurting them because they are used to justifying these tendencies. Ultimately it is important to know that there is a chance for you to feel more fulfilled in your relationships and build your self-worth and therapy is a perfect place to collaborate and begin this work.
If you answered mostly C’s, you are not engaging in people pleasing behavior.
The opposite of people pleasing is protecting your own self-interest and maintaining a sense of self-worth in your relationships. When individuals stop engaging in people pleasing, self-esteem increases as well as the quality of their relationships. Hopefully, this feels accurate to you! If you are still unsure, reach out to one of our SGTG therapists who will provide a space for you to talk it through.
A therapist’s perspective on people pleasing
I’d first like to acknowledge the difficulty in recognizing unhealthy behaviors in yourself and facing the reality that things may need to change. The good news is that you can have a space to break any of these cycles and develop a stronger sense of self in therapy. It is always quite empowering for my clients to understand the root of their people pleasing tendencies and learning how to break them becomes even more rewarding.
As a therapist, I see clients express extreme frustration with feeling unworthy in their relational, occupational, or social lives. The inability to say no or assert themselves takes a major toll on one’s well-being and when this begins, it's common for everything else to start crumbling. I have loved watching my clients recognize a people pleasing habit and transform their mindset to respect their own needs instead.
No matter what the results of this "am I a people pleaser" quiz say, I encourage you to discuss the results with a therapist where you can speak freely and have your unique needs be met. Working with an individual therapist can provide you with the support you need to understand and break unhealthy habits.
If you're located in the greater Chicago area or the state of Illinois and are interested in working together, I invite you to reach out for a complimentary consultation. My colleagues at SG Therapy Group and I look forward to connecting with you!
Maddie Persanyi, LCPC
About the Author
Maddie Persanyi, LCPC is a clinical therapist specializing in anxiety, relationship issues, self-esteem, life transition, and trauma. She incorporates IFS, CBT, and strength-based therapy into her treatment. Read more about Maddie here.