5 Easy Ways to Improve Emotional Intelligence
Have you ever reacted in a way you later regretted or said something in the heat of the moment you wish you could take back? I challenge you to find someone who hasn’t! Humans are emotional beings and it’s inevitable that at times our emotions will get the best of us. Emotional intelligence is hugely impactful on our romantic, platonic and work relationships. It’s clear that emotional intelligence is incredibly important but what does it actually mean?
At its core, emotional intelligence refers to an individual’s ability to recognize one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. It’s helpful for people to identify and name their emotions and then contain these emotions in order to use them in a more productive manner. To do so we must be able to regulate our own emotions and help others to do the same.
Learning how to manage our emotions is critical to having successful relationships. When we lack the ability to self-regulate it can cost us relationships in both our personal and work lives. Research has shown a strong correlation between an individual’s success within their career and emotional intelligence levels. As emotional intelligence levels increase, so does an individual’s success within their career. To understand why this is, let’s look at some key characteristics of those with a high EQ.
Being self-aware
Having high confidence levels
Having the ability to self-regulate by reducing how intense an emotion feels
Being attuned to others emotions
Having the ability to recognize and understand others emotions, therefore allowing them to be empathetic
These characteristics may not be ones that come naturally to each individual. The good news is, we can all learn to be more emotionally intelligent! Below are 5 simple ways to help you get started.
Bring Awareness to your Emotions
The first step is to identify when exactly your feelings start to show up. It’s difficult to manage and utilize our emotions effectively if we’re not aware of the emotions themselves. Cultivating this awareness around your emotions can help you to be one step ahead of any reactive or impulsive responses.
Identify the Thought Preceding the EmotionWhen we experience intense emotions, it can be difficult to identify the thought that sparked the emotion. Once you’ve identified the emotion you’re feeling, try utilizing it to clarify your thoughts. Try to finish the sentence, “i’m angry because…” or “I’m sad because…”. This allows you to recognize what exactly is driving your feelings.
Focus on your Values
When we have a strong emotional response it’s likely something has crossed a line or violated one of our values. Taking a moment to think about your values can make it easier to see if one of your core values has been violated. For example, if your partner tells you they went through your phone without permission, this could have violated your core values of trust and privacy within a relationship.
Question, Breathe, Move
Asking or answering questions is a great way to decrease emotional intensity. To do so we have to abandon the emotional center of the brain where our protective/reactive center is located in order to ask/answer the question. Once we’ve vacated the emotional center of our brain, it’s easier to bring awareness to our breath as our breathing becomes quicker and shallower when we experience intense emotions. By slowing our breathing we allow our cognitive brain to take back control. Physically moving and bringing awareness to our body can also ground us in the present.
Change the Language
Using positive language leads to more positive emotions, creating a healthy cycle when done intentionally. Our minds attach strong feelings to the way we speak to ourselves. This has the ability to be either harmful or helpful. Understanding this connection can allow us to choose words that will shift our emotional state towards being more positive and regulated.
By following the steps above, we can all establish and grow our emotional intelligence and the positive characteristics that accompany it. Therapy is a great way to begin working on these skills and characteristics. If you're located in the greater Chicago area or the state of Illinois and are interested in working together, I invite you to reach out for a complimentary consultation. My colleagues at SG Therapy Group and I look forward to connecting with you!
Sydney Gideon, LCSW
About the Author
Sydney Gideon, LCSW is a clinical social worker specializing in trauma & PTSD, anxiety, depression, and adjustment disorder. She incorporates EMDR, CBT, and Trauma-Informed Therapy into her treatment. Read more about Sydney here.