Do I Have Attachment Issues Quiz
Takeaway: Relationships can be a source of both stress and fulfillment. However, if you have an insecure attachment style, you might find that they tend to be more stressful than not. This attachment issues quiz can help you gain insight into your own relationship patterns.
As a couples therapist in Chicago, I've seen my fair share of relationship struggles. While not every problem in a relationship is related to attachment style, it's often a major factor.
If you're new to attachment theory, the major tenant is that we develop a specific attachment style based on how our early caregivers responded to our mental, emotional, and physical needs. This attachment style acts as a blueprint for how we build our other relationships moving forward.
While you can't control which attachment style you developed as a young child, you can learn skills to help you cultivate happier, healthier relationships as an adult. This attachment style quiz is a helpful place to start.
Who is this quiz for?
This quiz is for anyone who is interested in learning about their own attachment style. This quiz won't tell you what your partner's attachment style is or whether you have a healthy relationship or not.
If this quiz suggests that you might have "attachment issues" (AKA one of the insecure attachment styles), please know that this does not justify being mistreated by a partner. Help is available if you're experiencing physical or emotional abuse by calling 800-799-7233 or by visiting the National Domestic Violence Hotline online.
How accurate is this quiz?
Online quizzes can be a helpful learning tool, but they aren't meant to replace working with a mental health professional. Also, attachment styles aren't diagnoses like anxiety or depression, so this quiz won't give you a diagnosis. Rather, this is a screener that can help you get started on your path of self-discovery.
Take our attachment styles quiz here ↓
Ready to learn more about your attachment style? Take this quiz to get started.
1. How do you usually react during a conflict with a partner?
A - I take some space if I need to and work together with my partner to reach a resolution that we're both happy with.
B - I usually shut down or walk away.
C - I usually get anxious and need to keep talking about the issue until it's resolved.
D - I identify with both B and C at different times.
2. How often do you worry about being abandoned by your partner?
A - I don't worry about this. I would be sad without my partner, but I'm confident we can resolve any issues and/or amicably end our relationship if we had irreconcilable differences.
B - I never worry about this. I'm usually fine on my own.
C - I often worry about this.
D - I identify with both B and C at different times.
3. How often do you seek reassurance from your partner about how they feel toward you?
A - I don't often seek reassurance. I know that they love me, and they communicate it often.
B - I don't seek reassurance, even if I need it.
C - I often ask my partner for reassurance that they care about me.
D - I identify with both B and C at different times.
4. How do you react when your partner needs space?
A - I respect my partner's need for space and trust that they will talk to me when they're ready.
B - When my partner needs space, it makes me want to pull away from them, too.
C - I get very anxious if my partner needs space and I worry that they won't come back.
D - I identify with both B and C at different times.
5. How do you tend to handle your own emotions?
A - I can easily identify and embrace my feelings.
B - I tend to bury or push my feelings away.
C - I have really intense emotions that I struggle to manage.
D - I identify with both B and C at different times.
6. How do you usually feel when someone shows you care and affection?
A - I appreciate it and feel loved by them.
B - I feel awkward and uncomfortable.
C - I enjoy it but feel like I still need reassurance once they stop.
D - I identify with both B and C at different times.
7. How do you usually act when you get out of a relationship?
A - I'm sad, but I know that I'll find someone else when I'm ready.
B - I can put my ex out of my mind pretty quickly, and I'm okay on my own.
C - I feel distraught and incomplete without a partner, and I usually get into another relationship pretty quickly.
D - I identify with both B and C at different times.
8. Do you ever feel the need to "act out" in your relationship?
A - No. If I need more from my partner I'm comfortable asking for it.
B - No. If anything, I would start to pull away and become more distant from them.
C - Yes. Sometimes I feel like I need to act out to get my partner's attention or the emotional support I need.
D - I identify with both B and C at different times.
9. Is it easy for you to depend on your partner?
A - Yes. I feel comfortable depending on them, and I know they can rely on me as well.
B - No. I prefer to only rely on myself.
C - Yes, though sometimes I feel like I depend on my partner too much.
D - I identify with both B and C at different times.
10. How in tune are you with your partner's moods?
A - I'm sensitive to how my partner is feeling, but I trust that they will communicate with me.
B - My partner's feelings overwhelm me, so I usually try to keep an emotional distance.
C - I'm very sensitive to my partner's moods and often worry that I'm the one making them upset, distant, etc.
D - I identify with both B and C at different times.
Interpreting your results
Let's take a look at what your results might be telling you.
If you answered mostly A's, you might have a secure attachment style.
People with a secure attachment style tend to have an easy time creating healthy relationships. They don't feel threatened by emotional intimacy or healthy individuality. However, this doesn't mean that they never experience relationship issues. Securely attached people can still struggle with some of the issues that people with other attachment styles experience.
If you answered mostly B's, you might have an avoidant attachment style.
People with an avoidant attachment style (also called dismissive avoidant) tend to be uncomfortable with emotional intimacy. They may prioritize their independence over their relationships, making it difficult to form close connections with the people in their lives.
If you answered mostly C's, you might have an anxious attachment style.
People with an anxious attachment style (also called anxious preoccupied) often struggle with a fear of abandonment. They often crave closeness within their relationships yet are often worried about the state of the relationship. This can cause them to act in ways that actually push their partner away rather than draw them closer.
If you answered mostly D's, you might have a disorganized attachment style.
People with a disorganized attachment style (also called fearful avoidant) often display both anxious and avoidant tendencies. They can respond to their partner in inconsistent, conflicting ways. This tends to stem from an internal conflict of fearing intimacy while also craving closeness.
Get help building stronger, healthier romantic relationships.
No matter which attachment style resonates with you, it is possible to build more fulfilling relationships. Working with a couples therapist can help you and your partner learn more about each other (and yourselves). Armed with this knowledge, you'll be able to find more effective ways of connecting.
Not in a relationship? We offer individual therapy in Chicago as well. Working one-on-one with a therapist can give you the chance to reflect on your patterns and show up differently in your relationship with family, friends, and yourself.