Tackle a To-Do List with this Skill
Over the years, I’ve seen a number of clients clutch to their to-do lists as if their identity is inextricably linked with the number of items they can check off at the end of each day. I believe it has something to do with how, as a society, we place value on productivity and doing versus all of the variations of just being. It may be counter-intuitive but we are actually more productive and happier when we do less. This concept is supported by Leidy Klotz’s concept of Subtraction.
Think about it. If what we do most of the time, add things in, we crowd out the opportunity to enjoy, be present, and allow priorities to truly take precedence. When we add activities in, we tend to feel better about ourselves but it’s typically short term. For example, when you've taken on more, have you ever thought:
Look at how much I'm doing!
I'm so productive!
I get so much done every day!
When we continue to add-in, we have more to juggle, more noise in our head, and a schedule that leads to burnout. Life becomes more of a blur than a pleasure. When we subtract, we quiet the noise and clear out the mental clutter. Here are some tips to begin subtracting:
Begin by making a list of all of your activities and, if you have kids, their activities, too.
Consider:
Which are the most important/crucial/critical activities to keep on the list?
Ask yourself, are these things fulfilling, growth-oriented, pleasurable, fun or important for the long term?
If you really want a challenge, ask yourself if you are pressured to complete your list due to social expectations?
Am I thriving off the stress of these activities or actually achieving them?
Make choices about what is most important. The other items can go lower on the list or get removed altogether.
Now that you're thinking about what you can subtract, begin to think about how you can open your schedule more by tactfully saying no to all of those invitations you’re not actually interested in accepting. Most of us are worried we’ll be considered rude, unfriendly or unsupportive by saying no. At the same time, it’s important to remember that saying yes frequently can lead to exhaustion, resentment and decreased time for those important items you left on your subtraction list!
So, how do you say no tactfully and still maintain happy, healthy relationships? Consider some of these examples:
Q. Could you help me move this weekend?
A. Unfortunately I have something scheduled at that time. I'd love to help you do ________ at ____ time.
Q. Could you volunteer for _______ at the school/church/temple/community center/sports team event?
A. I’m unable to attend your event that day. How else might I be able to contribute?
Q. Want to meet this Friday for dinner?
A. I'm not available that Friday. It would be great to see you though! Let’s get together for a walk/dinner/painting class, etc. on ______ date, if you're available.
Subtraction and saying no positively impact multiple areas of your life causing you to be more productive, happier and creative. You will feel more connected and have less anxiety and stress. Imagine: laying down at night, reflecting on the day and feeling not just a sense of accomplishment but a sense of happiness and fulfillment.
If you would like to receive guidance on how to go from overwhelmed and over-scheduled to fulfilled, connected and calm, please reach out to SG Therapy Group. We provide skilled, compassionate therapists who are committed to tailored approaches to meet your needs and make you feel safe and supported.
Aviva Brill, LCSW
About the Author
Aviva Brill, LCSW is a clinical social worker specializing in parenting, aging parents, communication in relationships, workplace challenges, and management of time, stress and anxiety. She utilizes a combination of approaches from CBT to Task-Centered and Solution-Focused theories. Read more about Aviva here.